The first week back at work always feels like the longest week ever. And then when you have a day or days off they go by so freakin fast and you don’t get as much accomplished as you wish. Can I go back on winter vacation please? I took a much needed nap after work today before going to Warrior Women Wednesday and plan to go to bed here soon. I need to make it another one of my goals to get to bed at 10 every night, that’s going to be kind of hard, but worth a shot. Eye on the prize right?
So today I decided to hop on the scale, my body has been feeling great even though it’s only been 2 days of eating paleo, but I don’t feel like I’ve got a giant tire around my belly or so bloated if a pin pricked me I would explode and flop around like a balloon that just popped. And to my surprise I’m already down to 163.8, which is almost the weight I finished the BBC III at. And it’s also that evil number that I couldn’t get past, but I’m going to this time. I’m determined to kick 163 in the ass and make it into the 150s. How am I going to do that?! I have no idea. I know I need to cut back on my fruit intake, which is going to be super hard because I love fruit. It’s hard knowing that fruit is ‘bad’ for me because I want to lose weight, when for years I’ve been told to eat fruit to accomplish this. Hopefully I can wean off fruit slowly every week and get it down to one or two servings a week. It’s kind of been my crutch the last couple of days to make up for the lack of crappy cookie sugars I’m not eating. I definitely hit that sugar crash yesterday afternoon, but it wasn’t too bad today…maybe because of that dark chocolate, damn chocolate! One day at a time…
During the BBC and for years, I had the constant urge to step on the scale, this time around I want to try and only do it once or twice a week, not every day. Getting to that number is like an addiction. I used to wake up every morning and step right on that scale, after peeing of course because that’s extra weight. But it would be the first thing I thought of every day. It’s a serious struggle, but in the end I need to be happy with the way I feel in my clothes, the progress I make at the gym, and the way I look at any weight close to my goal. I don’t want a number to define me. I want to be happy no matter what and that is my ultimate goal. It may not happen this year or next. Which got me thinking…is it really possible to be happy no matter what? Or is there always going to be something that we aren’t happy with? Am I always going to be unhappy that my little toe is so small that I can barely get polish on that toe nail? Well, it’s going to be pretty annoying every time I go to paint them, but dammit I think there comes a point in your life where you just need to be thankful for what you’ve been given. If you’re working hard to stay fit by eating right, going to the gym, releasing stress, and don’t give up, then you have plenty to be happy about! I really need to start listening to myself more often! :)
Breakfast: 3 eggs, 3.5oz chicken breast and a pear (so juicy and yummy!)
Lunch: 8oz mixed greens with 5oz ground beef ½ an avocado and 2TBS salsa, and 1 oz 86% dark chocolate
Dinner: 5.5oz pork chops pre-workout, a handful of cashews post workout
Again too many carbs today with the avocado, pear and chocolate. Could be worse, but still needs a little improvement.
Warrior Women Wednesday
I was originally going into it just to learn the movement, Turkish get-up, but then I decided to do that scaled option of the WOD. RX was 20-14-8 push ups, box jumps, Turkish get-ups. So I scaled to 16-10-4 and boy am I glad I did, I ended up with a time of 14:16. I used a 12kg kettle bell for the TGUs and those got tiring after awhile. If you don't know what they are...google it, they're nuts. It's a complete body movement, like you actually have to use your brain and concentrate really hard when you do this since you have to stare at the KB!! And the TGU beat me up, I have lumps/bruises on my forearms from the kettle bell and bruises forming on my knees/legs. They might be picture worthy later, if you know me...I like to take pictures of my injuries! :) Once I was done with the wod, Jennie goes, "you know what's awesome? Your mom is doing Turkish get-ups right now!" It is pretty awesome, I'm SO incredibly proud of my mom (and dad) to push themselves to the limit and do CrossFit. So many people my age won't even do it and they're almost 60 and 62! They're rockstars!! I'm also proud of mom for starting a paleo challenge with me, I think it'll be easier for both of us going through it together!
I really want to thank everyone that’s reading this and supporting me, it means A LOT. This has been another release for me outside of CF. Aside from helping myself, I hope in the least I can inspire someone else out there to do something for themselves. Too often we put everyone else before us and try to make everyone else happy, but we truly can’t make anyone else happy until we are happy with ourselves! Live, Laugh, Love! <3
2 comments:
Kir -
You really should step back and re-read this post of yours. No doubt, a lot going on, but with all of the thoughts splashing into the post you make one VERY compelling statement:
"Which got me thinking…is it really possible to be happy no matter what? Or is there always going to be something that we aren’t happy with?"
Personally, I believe it really is possible. BUT, you have to have a clearly defined understanding of what you personally believe to be "true happiness." I'll step out on a limb and make the statement that you probably haven't thought it through yet but it appears that it's something that's top of mind which is great.
It's so ironic that you should write this because it's an area that I have thought a lot about very recently. I'm a big believer that the most successful people - both professionally and personally - are excellent self-assessors. So, I make it a point to constant self-assess myself.
Do I know what truly makes me happy? Not entirely, but I know of a few things right now: 1) My family. My wife, my children...my family! 2) My fitness and all that it brings. The release, the improvement, the people, the feeling of accomplishment...everything!
That's all.
What does it really boil down too in my eyes so far?
- Family
- Friends
- Health
Perhaps that's how I define true happiness? I'm still assessing to see if there are any other things. It's an ongoing process for me...for years!
One thing's for certain and that is what's helped me shake off some of the funk - the negative feelings and how they have weighed me down - is to place more focus on what I HAVE rather than what I DO NOT have. It's so easy to always look, listen and watch others and focus on what they have that you don't but so desperately want - or so you think. However, I found it to be a much better practice for me and how I view and see myself to focus on all that I DO have through personal and supportive achievement. It's led to a release of the negativity and a wider smile.
I really enjoy your blog. I honestly read it and it's an emotional ride for me sometimes. I smile because I can see that look in your eyes (knowing you personally) when you talk about your successes. My heart sank learning about Jer - I had no idea and I actually welled up - and then I smiled reading about his recovery. And, you trigger a lot of thought when I see you quietly ride your own internal emotional roller coaster when you talk about how you feel when it comes to your weight, appearance and anything aesthetic about yourself.
However, in reading your blog, and the reason why I am writing this lengthy message, is to communicate a few key points:
1) It is possible to be truly happy. Some discover it later than others. That's perfectly fine. I imagine it's a gift when you finally realize it. But it starts with focusing on what you DO have, building on that but never losing sight of what you have and how you acquired it.
2) Successful people in life, love and career are always self-assessing and take action on their own self-assessments. Do this, but do this objectively! Focus on the positives and areas you wish to develop. Both sides!
3) Beauty is not only aesthetic, it's so much more. And, it's all in the eye of the beholder. I'm not one to speak for others, but I am quite certain that I am not alone when I say that "you're a beauty" in a lot of different ways. If you don't know where you're a beauty, ask those closest to you. I assure you they'll tell you and you'll learn something about yourself that will certainly make that exercise well worthwhile.
I'll end with a sincere "CONGRATS" on your weight-loss. A nice positive to build on and celebrate!
The best is still yet to come for you. I'm sure of it!
Kirsten, I love your blog! And I too have the tiniest little toe that I can't really polish. My mom and I fake it and just kind of paint the toe :)
Turkish getups are your brothers all time least favorite movement, I think. They always beat me up, too - mainly my forearms where the bell rests.
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