So you would think after my inspiring post, I would have gotten back on track...ugh.
Why is that when you trip and fall flat on your face, it's so damn hard to get back up?! You keep tripping along the way and can't find your way back down that right path?! I feel like I always get this determination in me and I start off great, then BAM, flat on my face again. I know I can do this, I HAVE done it before. If I could go back to how good I was back in February/March, that would be perfect.
I know life happens and 'cheats' will come up here and there, but sheesh. It sucks watching a lot of my friends eat however they want and they don't gain an ounce. Or my mom and I eating well, while dad still eats crap, but still loses weight. How the hell is that fair?! I guess it helps that he doesn't stress about a damn thing...If only I could do that. I really feel like the stress in my life is going to hold me back. There's some situations I need to work on not stressing over, but some it's just not possible. I've got a lot to work on...
I feel like I focus too much on everyone else and their well being, rather than pay attention to myself. So somehow, someway, I'm going to have to find that drive in me I had back at the beginning of the year. However, I'm completely dreading the fact that the holidays are coming up...ugh.
So I'm going to start writing my food down again because I feel like I'm more accountable then. Let's hope this works because I'm downright tired of this feeling...
Breakfast 9AM: 3 eggs with bacon bits, 1.5oz almonds, 1 medium honeycrisp apple
Lunch 1PM: 5oz chicken breast with 1.5 cups cooked veggies (carrots, brocolli, cauliflower, snap peas)
Post Wod: 2 scoops Progenex Recovery and 1 scoop more muscle with 20 oz water
Dinner: 2 cups of chili with some cheese and a banana
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Change
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.
Anybody out there find this to be one of the toughest battles of life? To accept things you can’t change, to be strong enough to change things, and to know the difference between the two?! Well, I sure do! Change is a tough thing to swallow, but one of the most constant parts of our lives. Contradicting, isn’t it?!
There are many aspects of our lives that we can’t control, but there are many others that we can. The trick is knowing the difference. However, even when we can control it, it’s one of the hardest things to do. You want to make sure it’s the right decision. But life is about learning as we grow and sometimes we need to have a little faith and take a risk.
A lot of times we have a plan and see our lives sticking to this plan. But more often than not our journey through life can lead us down a different path. Sometimes it may be a good detour and sometimes it may be awful. However, you have to roll with the punches and make the best of it. Do what you can to get back on the path or accept the change and see where it takes you.
My plan going into college was to graduate with a mechanical engineering degree, find a fun and well paying job and I would be happy. Well after 5 years of college and not enjoying a single engineering class or co-op session, after a year and a half of work and being miserable, I’ve discovered engineering is absolutely not for me. Should I have changed majors when I was in school? Maybe. But I can’t fix that now. What I CAN do and what I AM doing is going back to school now, in hopes to pursue a nursing degree. Was this an easy decision? Hell no. I thought I was letting everyone else down by “giving up”, but what I do know, is that I’m not happy, that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing with my personality and that I’m destined to do something else besides sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day. Do I know that nursing is the 100% right thing for me to do? Nope. But right now, in my heart and mind, it feels right. You know when you get that gut feeling, that it’s just right. Yeah, that’s what I’ve got, so I’m going with it. It’s going to be a few years, till I actually get there, but I’m going to do it. I’m changing something I have control over and many aspects of my life are going to benefit from this.
There are some things I can’t change in my life. I can’t change the fact that my boyfriend has cancer. You sure as shit better believe I wish I could, but I can’t. So instead of dwelling on that, I accept it and do everything in my power to support him and his family. Do I sometimes feel like I’m not doing enough? Hell yea. I wish I could take away his pain with the snap of my finger, but guess what? Life ain’t that easy. I’m doing everything I can to make sure the cancer isn’t his life and all that’s on his mind. All I can do is be supportive, positive, pray and give all the love I have, since I can’t change reality or cure his cancer.
I also can’t change my past, but what I can do is learn from it and make sure I do everything in my power to have a brighter future. I can’t change how many years I struggled with self confidence, or lack thereof, and poor eating habits etc. But I can start fresh! I CAN gain confidence by reminding myself how AWESOME I am everyday and make good choices with food that support my goals, instead of hinder them. I NEED to start thinking positively and remind myself that I CAN be that person I want to be and I HAVE done it before. So…Kirsten, stop dwelling on the past and step up your game. Do what YOU need to do to become the athlete and person you want to be. The ONLY one holding you back right now, is yourself!
If there’s anything I’ve learned over the last few years, well, over my life I guess, it’s that sometimes I need to be selfish. I’m definitely a people person and my goal is always to make sure everyone around me is happy. I will more than likely put your happiness before mine. It just makes me feel good to see others happy. But sometimes, I let that go too far, to the point where I’m just downright miserable. I’m SO incredibly afraid of hurting people or letting people down. It’s a good thing and a bad thing. Sometimes people are 100% appreciative of it, but sometimes I just get completely walked all over because they know I’m willing to do whatever for them. And that’s when I need to realize it just isn’t healthy for my well being anymore and I need to put myself first.
Lately, I’ve made a few decisions that have put myself before others. With school, the gym, etc. It took months of many thoughts running through my head and some very tearful, emotional conversations. But in the end I think both parties have enough respect for each other and understand my decision. It’s been one of the hardest decisions to make in a long time, but in the end I believe it was the right one. It sucks to see how things have changed over the last year, but so much has. I love everyone at the Fort and what they have provided for me. I loved coaching everyone at the Fort as well, that was my hour or two of escape every day from all the other stressful things in my life. I hope that everyone at the Fort understands that this was a personal decision that I needed to make. I hope that no one considers me a trader, or rude, or disrespects me. My hope is that you understand and if you don’t, you come to me personally with questions. Things change, people change, and over time you figure out what is the best fit for you, what may have been the best fit a year ago may not be the best fit for you now. And that’s exactly what has happened with me. I thank everyone for their support and understanding, but like I said, you have to change the things you can control. It was one freaking hard decision, but life goes on and we all learn and grow throughout this journey called life. :-)
Anybody out there find this to be one of the toughest battles of life? To accept things you can’t change, to be strong enough to change things, and to know the difference between the two?! Well, I sure do! Change is a tough thing to swallow, but one of the most constant parts of our lives. Contradicting, isn’t it?!
There are many aspects of our lives that we can’t control, but there are many others that we can. The trick is knowing the difference. However, even when we can control it, it’s one of the hardest things to do. You want to make sure it’s the right decision. But life is about learning as we grow and sometimes we need to have a little faith and take a risk.
A lot of times we have a plan and see our lives sticking to this plan. But more often than not our journey through life can lead us down a different path. Sometimes it may be a good detour and sometimes it may be awful. However, you have to roll with the punches and make the best of it. Do what you can to get back on the path or accept the change and see where it takes you.
My plan going into college was to graduate with a mechanical engineering degree, find a fun and well paying job and I would be happy. Well after 5 years of college and not enjoying a single engineering class or co-op session, after a year and a half of work and being miserable, I’ve discovered engineering is absolutely not for me. Should I have changed majors when I was in school? Maybe. But I can’t fix that now. What I CAN do and what I AM doing is going back to school now, in hopes to pursue a nursing degree. Was this an easy decision? Hell no. I thought I was letting everyone else down by “giving up”, but what I do know, is that I’m not happy, that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing with my personality and that I’m destined to do something else besides sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day. Do I know that nursing is the 100% right thing for me to do? Nope. But right now, in my heart and mind, it feels right. You know when you get that gut feeling, that it’s just right. Yeah, that’s what I’ve got, so I’m going with it. It’s going to be a few years, till I actually get there, but I’m going to do it. I’m changing something I have control over and many aspects of my life are going to benefit from this.
There are some things I can’t change in my life. I can’t change the fact that my boyfriend has cancer. You sure as shit better believe I wish I could, but I can’t. So instead of dwelling on that, I accept it and do everything in my power to support him and his family. Do I sometimes feel like I’m not doing enough? Hell yea. I wish I could take away his pain with the snap of my finger, but guess what? Life ain’t that easy. I’m doing everything I can to make sure the cancer isn’t his life and all that’s on his mind. All I can do is be supportive, positive, pray and give all the love I have, since I can’t change reality or cure his cancer.
I also can’t change my past, but what I can do is learn from it and make sure I do everything in my power to have a brighter future. I can’t change how many years I struggled with self confidence, or lack thereof, and poor eating habits etc. But I can start fresh! I CAN gain confidence by reminding myself how AWESOME I am everyday and make good choices with food that support my goals, instead of hinder them. I NEED to start thinking positively and remind myself that I CAN be that person I want to be and I HAVE done it before. So…Kirsten, stop dwelling on the past and step up your game. Do what YOU need to do to become the athlete and person you want to be. The ONLY one holding you back right now, is yourself!
If there’s anything I’ve learned over the last few years, well, over my life I guess, it’s that sometimes I need to be selfish. I’m definitely a people person and my goal is always to make sure everyone around me is happy. I will more than likely put your happiness before mine. It just makes me feel good to see others happy. But sometimes, I let that go too far, to the point where I’m just downright miserable. I’m SO incredibly afraid of hurting people or letting people down. It’s a good thing and a bad thing. Sometimes people are 100% appreciative of it, but sometimes I just get completely walked all over because they know I’m willing to do whatever for them. And that’s when I need to realize it just isn’t healthy for my well being anymore and I need to put myself first.
Lately, I’ve made a few decisions that have put myself before others. With school, the gym, etc. It took months of many thoughts running through my head and some very tearful, emotional conversations. But in the end I think both parties have enough respect for each other and understand my decision. It’s been one of the hardest decisions to make in a long time, but in the end I believe it was the right one. It sucks to see how things have changed over the last year, but so much has. I love everyone at the Fort and what they have provided for me. I loved coaching everyone at the Fort as well, that was my hour or two of escape every day from all the other stressful things in my life. I hope that everyone at the Fort understands that this was a personal decision that I needed to make. I hope that no one considers me a trader, or rude, or disrespects me. My hope is that you understand and if you don’t, you come to me personally with questions. Things change, people change, and over time you figure out what is the best fit for you, what may have been the best fit a year ago may not be the best fit for you now. And that’s exactly what has happened with me. I thank everyone for their support and understanding, but like I said, you have to change the things you can control. It was one freaking hard decision, but life goes on and we all learn and grow throughout this journey called life. :-)
There are many things changing in my life right now. I never planned to hate engineering and go back to school for nursing. I never planned to have a boyfriend with cancer. I never planned to switch gyms. I never planned to be a trainer. I never planned to do a lot of things. But I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. All those things and more, make me who I am today, and I’m pretty freaking proud of who I am today!
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