I AM Beautiful! :)

I woke up this morning with two pretty bruises on my forearms and one on my right leg. Those Turkish get-ups are evil. It was a good night’s rest, I made it to bed by 10 after talking to Jer to see how his doctor’s appointment went. I barely moved during the night which is abnormal for me as I usually twist and turn all throughout the night. I must have been really relaxed after knowing his blood work came back good and he’s still in remission, but need to keep watch on his sugar and liver enzyme levels. But as long as he exercises (I’m trying to get him to the Fort! :-)), eats well, and rests we should see an improvement in those. I can’t help but get a little nervous every month when he goes to the doctor now, the first 2 years after treatment are the most crucial, but so far so good. I’ve got plenty to be thankful for!


I reread my post from yesterday after reading Tommy Mo’s comment. And I know it was a lot of thoughts put into one post and this blog is obviously a good idea for me to get it all out. I think it’s going to be a great way to let my thoughts go that sometimes pile up and get me down. Anyway, I just wanted to clarify that my statement of

“Which got me thinking…is it really possible to be happy no matter what? Or is there always going to be something that we aren’t happy with?”

Was purely appearance based. Which, I do know, is something I need to move past. Many years of childhood bullying, not only from other kids but myself as well, has burned this negative image of myself within me. For years when you’re told “you’re too fat”, “you’ll never have a boyfriend”, called every fat name in the book etc. you start to believe it yourself. But guess what?! I’m NOT fat anymore and I DO have a boyfriend and I DO have loving friends and family and I’m on my way to becoming a beast at CrossFit, all of which I’m damn proud of! It has taken years to get to this point in my life where I’m starting to be happy with my physical appearance. I used to go shopping with mom when I was a kid and just end up balling my eyes out on the drive home because absolutely nothing would fit me. But now I have a shopping addiction…I look forward to shopping and seeing what cute stuff I can get in a 5/6 or 7/8 whatever it is at the moment. I decided there’s always going to be something about your physical appearance you’re never going to be happy with, you’re always going to have some sort of flaw. However, that’s what makes you unique and you should be proud of it. Everyone will always have battles with their weight and appearance, if it was so easy life would be boring and I wouldn’t have found CrossFit. It’s something I’ve been learning to accept over the past few years. Yes, I feel like I could use to lose some in my inner thighs or my tummy or my triceps, but it takes hard work , dedication, patience and acceptance. I’m proud of my ass, my strong legs, my strong arms, and my newly added 7th “ab” Louis. I am me and I’m happy about it! I’m proud of myself for pushing my body 4-5 days a week to get stronger, I’m proud that I’m a woman and lift heavy shit, I’m proud that I can row really well, I’m proud of myself for beginning to let all the negative thoughts go and move past my fat days.

I am also happy that I have a wonderful family, boyfriend, friends, coaches, and good health. I’m so thankful for all that I have in my life and all that is to come. I wouldn’t have made it this far if it wasn’t for the support everyone has provided for me over the past 23 years. Tommy Mo and everyone else who has said “beauty isn’t only because of appearance” are right. I know that. Sometimes we get so caught up in physical appearance we don’t realize what true beauty is. I AM beautiful inside AND out!!! (I think I’m going to put a post-it on my bathroom mirror to remind me every day.)

Food for the day: Breakfast: 3 eggs 4oz ground beef Lunch: 10 oz pork chops and 9 oz cauliflower .5 oz dark chocolate Dinner: 5oz flank steak rolled with spinach in the middle and 9 asparagus spears

Strength: Floor Press (training max 50.5kg): 5 @ 20kg(40% of training max) 5@23kg(50% of training max) 5@31kg(60% of training max)

WOD: 21-15-9 cals/reps rowing and clusters (40/30) scaled to A @ 30kg rep scheme 15-12-9 goal time 6:00-9:00

Today's strength was easy. I always love de-load week. The WOD I knew I wanted to go heavy with less reps. I was a little nervous given the last time I did heavy squat cleans, "Louis" appeared. But I made sure to push myself, but be cautious. The rowing was easy for me and took no time at all. And the clusters weren't bad either. I felt really comfortable at 30kg. I actually liked this WOD. I finished in the goal time at 8:45, a little longer than I had hoped for, but beat the 9:00. I checked Louis a couple of times, so that may have taken a good 30 seconds combined. :)