Holy emotional breakdown, Batman! I haven’t blogged in a few days because I’ve pretty much been a mess and I hate feeling this way. There will be a string of days every once in awhile where I’m super down. And the last few days have definitely been that time. I wish I could use the “it’s my week” excuse, but it’s not, I’m just down. It started Saturday when I had to take pictures for the Better Body Challenge. I was ok doing them at the Fort, but then I came home and took some in my bikini and just started crying. How could I start crying and be upset with the way I look after how far I’ve already come?! I don’t know. But I’m not pleased with myself. And this, this reaction and stress that I get, is part of the reason I can’t get rid of that bit around my stomach. I stress too much, but I don’t know how to change it. That’s how I’ve been. I freak out.
Then Saturday night we went out for CFF’s 3rd anniversary to Fogo De Chao, a Brazilian Steakhouse, in the City. And it was absolutely delish. I of course ate too much and split a piece of 5 layer chocolate mousse cake with Jeremy. I figured, eh whatever, the BBC starts on Monday this will be my last big cheat. And I also sometimes get the mentality that if they can eat like that why can’t I? I mean we’ve got K-Tuck who weighs 110 lbs soaking wet and ate all that…and then there’s me. (It's ok K-Tuck, I'm just slightly jealous!) I just can’t do that and not be punished for it by gaining weight. So I’m just gonna have to get over it and eat they way my body can handle it. And even after the last BBC, I don’t know what my body can handle because I didn’t lose any weight the second half of the challenge. Yes, I know I’m gaining a bunch of muscle by lifting all the heavy shit I do, but damn I should be losing some lbs here and there too!
Then yesterday, I was all crabby and emotional and every little thing upset me. What the heck is my deal?! Someone slap me back to reality and get me over this hump! I beg of you! Then to top it off, this morning I jumped on the scale before work to see what my starting weight would be for the BBC and it’s 165.4. WTF?! I was down to 160 like 3 weeks ago, did Fogo really hit me that hard? Or those paleo cookies I had last week? Ugh. SO. FREAKING. DEPRESSING. And to put the icing on the cake…I forgot all my awesome paleo food for the day in my lunch bag at home. When I finally arrived at work and realized this, I just sat in the car and cried. I had a freaking break down because I forgot my lunch bag at home! I’ve hit the bottom and I can’t take it anymore. I need to get out of this rut. How am I going to do this?! I have no idea. But the BBC started today and I’m pledging to 70+ of clean eating. I don’t want to cheat, cheating doesn’t get me anywhere, it only knocks me on my ass. So I have to keep reminding myself of that. And I’m going to be completely honest with myself and everyone else on here. That’s why I’m doing this blog so I’m held accountable for my actions. So if I ever write anything down that I did wrong or wasn’t supposed to eat, yell at me, slap me, do something to make me realize how stupid that was and to get back on track. And my other goal during this challenge, which I already stated at the beginning of the year, not to stress so damn much. Otherwise this weight isn’t going anywhere. So it’s time to toughen up and stop being a sissy!
Food for the day:
Breakfast: The shittiest approx 3 eggs and 5 pieces of bacon I have ever had. cafeteria food...need I say more. BLAH
Lunch: A small crappy salad from Hilander and a 2.5oz packet of tuna. Then a couple of handfuls of overly salted crappy trail mix. yuck.
Dinner: (the good stuff!) 5 oz of pork shoulder and 5 oz mixed veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, carrots) with 1 TBS garlic/herb butter on top.
Strength: Hang Power Snatch 3-3-3-1-1-1 Establish 1RM. 20-25-30-35-37-39
I was pretty excited to work some new strength work today. I was going into this thinking that my 1RM should be slightly less than my full snatch which is 40kg. Which I already know I could do more on my full snatch, so I just worked around those numbers. I finished with 39 kg and was pretty happy with that. I needed to squat some more and get under it, so I know I can go higher. It was great working with K-Tuck and Carrie. I'm enjoying going to the later classes and working out with some other people lately.
WOD: 3:00 row for calories 1:30 rest 2:00 thrusters (40/35) 1:30 rest 1:00 toes to bar 91 total cals/reps
Going into this WOD I wasn't really planning on going full force, I'm trying to give a lot of effort, but not absolutely kill myself every day. On the rower I really wanted to focus on my pulls and keeping a great pace and came away with 55 calories. For the thrusters I knew they were going to be really heavy and they for sure were. I got 10 unbroken in the first set then two more sets of 5 for a total of 20. This really got heavy on the upper body more than the legs, so that was the hard part for me. Finally the toes to bar, which I find easier than knees to elbows! I pulled out 16 reps. These are hard for me or anything on the bar because when it comes to kipping I just can't get the rhythm. But all in all I was happy with the performance when going about 85%-90%.
Now that I'm approaching the end of the night I'm feeling a lot better than before. I'm super tired from a really long day, but my emotions aren't as out of whack. I'm feeling a lot more relaxed and determined. So here's to 70 days of challenging myself! :)
1 comment:
Ok... You're a woman and that automatically makes you emotional. DO NOT STRESS! I can teach you a thing or two about not stressing. For some reason, I never get stressed out. I take that back, I stress if I'm having people over at my house and I have to make it spotless. But that's about it. I challenge you to do two things:
1) Don't weigh yourself. Period. Don't weigh yourself until the BBC is over. You have seen your body dramatically change like you've never seen before, and that will continue to happen throughout the BBC. Weight loss is just an added bonus! Remember how excited you were when you bought a size 8???? Thank about that! Don't let the scale get you down when you see results like you've been seing. Knock it off. NOW.
2) For one week (during a crabby week), write down what stresses you out the most, and write down ways to overcome those things. Do this as they happen. You will start to see that the things that stress you out are so insignifant, and you'll start to feel silly!
Ok. Those are Alicia's words of advice for the day. Now go on with your bad self!!!!
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